She's a Brick and I'm Drowning Slowly

My boyfriend and I have been together almost seven years. He's currently still living in the Midwest, finishing out the season at his job, but he'll be joining me here in a month. Here, literally...as in, under the same roof as my mother and I. Back when I was feeling hopeful I thought this was a "good" plan. I would come out a month before my summer job began, my mom and I would have a month to clear out a bedroom, and my boyfriend and I would stay in that bedroom for the summer while we looked for permanent work and housing and got on our feet. Throughout the summer I could help my mom with more cleaning and he could pitch in with some "handyman" things around the house; fixing the broken fence, etc. So, besides my sleep schedule (see last post) this is the second reason why I'm getting really anxious - I don't want to ask my boyfriend to live out of a suitcase, on the living room couch with me for a summer. Asking him to live out of a suitcase in my mom's bedroom with me for the summer is bad enough.

The concern runs deeper than my fears for a miserable summer. Jack's not going to let my mom live with him forever. Even if I somehow magically convinced her to clean up her act (which is highly unlikely), their friendship has completely deteriorated. It's not a healthy living situation, and since it's his house, the cards are in his hand; eventually he will kick her out. The thought makes me so mad I could punch a wall, but I'm resigned to the fact that she'll probably be living with me again before she dies. 

I told my boyfriend today on the phone that if he wanted to stay at his job in the Midwest and just break up with me at this point I would understand. I tried to explain that my mother is a pretty unavoidable disaster that I, as an only child, would eventually be forced to take on. He didn't take me up on my offer. I don't think he was really taking me seriously, but I wasn't entirely joking. I don't want him to wake up five years from now in our house, or apartment (I don't know if we'll ever actually be able to afford a house on two salaries in the performing arts), miserable (because my mom is really good at making everyone around her miserable), and regret having hitched up with a girl who's a package deal with a crazy mom. 

Who wants to step on board a sinking ship?